How To Change Others

How To Change Others.

Transforming Others by Transforming Yourself—Practical Tools for Leadership, Family and Trust.

Too often, attempts to change others with arguments and pressure trigger resistance, defensiveness, or disengagement. This episode of the Self Realized, Shatter Your Limits Podcast with me, Linton Bergsen, reveals a radically different approach—activating real transformation through emotional presence, self-acceptance, and quiet leadership. Learn how your emotional state silently sets the tone others follow, impacting teams, family bonds, and personal relationships.

I re-frame the myth that change comes from convincing, controlling, or intense persuasion. Instead, discover the “mirror principle”: people reflect the energy you bring. Hear stories of a top performer redefining his relationships through calm intention, and a youth mentor unlocking breakthroughs by embodying belief—not anxiety. Explore a practical energy audit, a seven-day embodiment challenge, and a 24-hour experiment to reduce reactivity and spark authentic connection.

Find out why acceptance is the foundation of growth and how quiet certainty leads to breakthroughs in leadership, partnership, and parenting. Receive concrete prompts, transformation affirmations, and one re-framing question that shifts every interaction: Who am I inviting others to become through the way I show up?

If you’re ready to influence through presence, guide without pressure, and let your life become the quiet invitation for change, this episode is your blueprint. For meaningful growth, subscribe, share with someone seeking to spark transformation, and leave a review to help others discover the show. Your presence is the invitation—embody the message, and let’s grow together.

Visit selfrealized.com for more resources including my five-star Amazon reviewed book Purposeful Vision.

https://www.selfrealized.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome & Premise Of Influence
• 1:10 The Myth Of Forcing Change
• 2:01 Thomas And The Mirror Principle
• 4:25 Energy Audit & Presence Practice
• 6:18 Julia’s Shift From Doubt To Belief
• 7:47 The Power Of Allowing
• 9:05 Lead By Example, Quiet Certainty
• 10:55 Embody The Message Exercise
• 12:30 Integration Reflection & Closing

Transcript

Linton Bergsen: 0:00

Welcome to the Self-Realized Podcast with Linton Bergsen, where you will shatter your limits. I'm not much into the self-help industry, as much as I'm into the self-realized individual, which is you, what matters most to you, how you get there, and the obstacles that may be in your way. If you would like to be part of this podcast and part of that discussion, I welcome you here with an open heart, open mind, and open arms. So without further ado let's get on with the podcast. Today we are going to explore one of the most misunderstood desires of human nature: the yearning to change others. We think if we could just help them to see what we see, believe what we believe, act how we act, then everything would fall into place. But what if the only way to change others and contemplate on this for a moment was to stop trying to. Stay with me here on episode number 119, how to change others, as we uncover the truth about influence, transformation, and how your energy, not your argument, is what shifts the world around you. So let us begin. Let's start out with the myth of change. Every one of us has tried to change someone. Maybe a partner, it may be a friend, an employee, or even a child. We do it out of love, frustration, or fear, but here's the myth that keeps us trapped. We believe change happens by convincing, correcting, or even perhaps by controlling. Years ago, I met a man named Thomas. He was a top performer, had a very sharp mind, and extremely high standards. But unfortunately, he was miserable. Not because of the results he was getting in his life, but because he felt no one around him matched his standards or abilities. He complained his team wasn't driven enough, that his wife didn't support his ambition, and that his kids did not listen to him. He came to me saying, if they would change, my life would be fine. What Thomas didn't see was that his energy was trying to force change, and force always creates resistance. I asked him a question. Thomas what would happen if you stopped managing their behavior and start mastering your own energy in their presence. He laughed at first, but what came next changed everything. Thomas began practicing presence instead of persuasion. He found that every time he entered a meeting with calm, curiosity, and patience, his team mirrored that energy back to him. Human beings don't respond to just words. They respond to emotional states. I call this the mirror principle. Whatever energy you bring into a space, that is what reflects back at you. Change begins not when others shift, but when you shift what you reflect. Contemplate on this for a moment. Do you think you can inspire peace through frustration? You can't awaken motivation through judgment. You can't demand growth through control. When you become what you want to see, others feel it. And that is the important point to understand on a very deep personal level. Self-realized individuals have the understanding that people resonate emotionally with who you are and what you are bringing energetically to the situation that you are involved in. Others feel it. When you have time and you are not listening to the podcast, I would like you to consider doing an energy audit. It'll give you some idea of your own energy and where you are coming from and what you are broadcasting to the world. The first thing to do is write down three situations where you often try to make others change. The second, for each, identify the energy you typically bring frustration, fear, impatience, or love. And thirdly, replace that old pattern with the word presence. For one week, enter those same interactions by quietly repeating this affirmation. I choose to mirror calm and have this as my presence in any situation. That is the affirmation. Watch what follows. Because the energy you carry, whether it's family dynamics, business leadership, or personal relationships, the energy you project becomes a silent broadcast. Others tune into it subconsciously. They feel your emotion before you even speak a word. I remember a young woman named Julia who worked with at-risk teens, trying desperately to reach them. Every day she came home drained, saying they don't listen. They just don't care. But when we peeled back the layers, we realized Julia carried an unspoken energy of doubt. She didn't fully believe that they could change. Once she began embodying belief, rather than just speaking it, everything shifted. Teens that seemed that closed off began opening. They felt seen because Julia had changed her energy from worry to trust. Take a moment of reflection. Pause. Ask yourself this question. When I enter a room, what do people feel from me before I speak? That's the vibration that determines whether others resist you or resonate with you. Let's discover a little bit more about what I like to call the Power of Allowing. Here is a paradox. The more you allow others to be who they are, the faster they evolve. Acceptance is the oxygen of transformation. Think of your own growth. Did you change when someone judged you or when someone believed in you? People rise when they feel safe, not when they feel shamed. Thomas discovered this with his teenage son. For years they clashed, but when Thomas replaced criticism with curiosity, saying, Tell me what you're seeing that I'm missing, his son bloomed. Without manipulation, without lectures, and just with pure allowance, change is contagious when it is rooted in freedom. I'd like to share an exercise with you now, what I call the Twenty-Four Hour Practice of allowing. For one full day, do not correct or control anyone. Instead, observe and silently affirm within they are on their path, just as I am on mine. Notice how the energy between you begins to soften. The conversations that you have will be more deep and meaningful because, in the process of allowing, you allow freedom of expression to blossom in all of your relationships. The easiest way for you to create change in people around you is influenced by example. When you become centered, consistent, and compassionate, you don't need to convince anyone. Your life becomes its own message. There's an old principle that says the loudest voice in the room is not always the calmest one. Contemplate on that for a moment. Imagine bringing a softer, quieter energy into every interaction. Not reactive, not defensive, but here's a phrase I really, really like. Quietly certain that's true influence. The people you most want to change will sense something different. It may not happen overnight, but they will certainly start asking why you seem lighter and more at peace. That question, that curiosity is the seed of their own transformation. Remember, changed modeled is more powerful than change demanded. As Mahatma Gandhi said, the spiritual leader who led India to its independence, advocating nonviolence, as he did so, be the change you wish to see in the world. Which really leads me into an exercise I would like to share with you that I call Embody the M essage. Identify one quality you wish others would develop patience, confidence, gratitude, and then for the next seven days, embody that quality fully yourself. Reflect nightly on moments when others seemed to respond differently. You are the template through which others transform. It is a very simple self-realization and integration. Everything we've explored comes down to one truth you cannot change others by force, but you can by influence. The entire field around you, energetic field, your consciousness becoming the embodiment of what you seek. Your family, your coworkers, your friends, they are responding not to your advice, but what I like to call your energy signature. We all have an energy signature, an imprint, as mentioned earlier in the episode, that goes before us, that leads into a room or into a situation before our voice or our words do. Transformation is less about what you tell people to do and more about what they feel in your presence. That's the quiet power of the self-realized life. The more you awaken yourself, the more the world around you changes to meet that resonance, which is a very important realization for the self-realized individual. Let me suggest something that you can use. It's called an Integration Reflection that you can ask yourself, which is this. Who am I inviting others to become through the way I show up? That single question can reframe every relationship in your life. If today's episode stirred something in you, a realization, a curiosity, a calm, carry it forward. The only true way to change others is to become a living example of your own evolution. Remember, change travels through energy, not words. And the most powerful way to shift the world is by shifting yourself. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who has been trying to make a difference in another's life. Through your own example, you can not only change your world, but the world around you. Thank you for taking your time to listen to today's episode. I hope you'll join me for the upcoming episodes in the future. Until then, keep awakening, keep allowing, and remember, every moment you master your energy, you change the world without saying a word. I sincerely appreciate you listening to the podcast. Please subscribe so you do not miss any upcoming episodes. Whatever platform you're on, please leave a rating and review. I would greatly appreciate it. Any additional information on me, Linton Bergsen, and my five-star reviewed book, Purposeful Vision, is available at selfrealized.com, which is all one word. You can also leave any comments or suggestions on the website. Take good care of yourself.